Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
