Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
