Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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