6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
