My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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