I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize