I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
