you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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