she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
