I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize