did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
