I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
