Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
