You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
