dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are we still banned from the library?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
