I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
