btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
