I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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