We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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