You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
