and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
