Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
