I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
