We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
