I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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