im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
