It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When are your genitals available?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
