I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
