Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
