If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
