it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
