Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
