A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize