i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
