I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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