I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
