we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
