I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize