I heard we made out
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
