the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize