Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
