So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
