It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
