my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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