Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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