i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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