i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
