your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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