The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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