I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
