You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
