We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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