somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
