i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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