apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
