I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
