Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
