I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
