gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
