that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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