end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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