did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
