it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
