I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
