Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
