I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
