I CAN MOONWALK!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
