i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
