he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
