I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
