hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
