happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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