I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
