Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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