Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
