Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
