just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
