Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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