Your tits are I can't wait for
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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