I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
