How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
