Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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