Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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