I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
