I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
