If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
