He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
