And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
