If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
not ubering you a puppy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
