Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
